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A Narrow-Minded Community
In the essay "Miami, Florida, Jesse G. Monteagudo describes the conflicting interests of his community in Miami's Cuban district, Little Havana, and his personal desire as an adolescent to pursue a homosexual lifestyle. Little Havana was a community made up of Cuban migrants that had come to Florida after the 1959 revolution in Cuba. And with deep roots in the "Spanish machismo," this Cuban community adamantly emphasized family tradition. Any deviation from the traditionally accepted path, especially homosexuality, was heavily discouraged through any means necessary. The conflict and confusion Monteagudo experienced from his community's strong belief that homosexuality was abnormal and his personal desire made him realize his unhappiness. Monteagudo stays loyal to his true identity by rejecting his community's relentless pursuit to prevent homosexuality.
Strong traditional values were the main cause of Monteagudo's predicament. He explains that as a "budding gayboy, [he] could not fit in." His parents were afraid that he "lacked masculine qualities." And his peers suspected his homosexuality (a result of the machismo society they were brought up in) purely because he was less masculine than they were. Monteagudo then explains:
Miami's Cuban community, with roots planted deep in the soil of Spanish machismo and Roman Catholicism (and politically conservative to boot), is still unwilling to accept its gay population. Twenty years ago, things were even worse, especially for gay adolescents struggling to understand themselves. When I turned thirteen my father sat me down and gave me a stern lecture warning me to watch out for prowling perverts. I was the person my parents were warning me against. (780)
While struggling to understand himself, he was in conflict with powerful forces, Monteagudo explains. His true identity was in direct conflict with the belief of his community, the Roman Catholic Church, and his father's advice. According to these powerful forces, Monteagudo was a "prowling pervert." To a thirteen-year-old this is surely a frightening idea. And it was an idea that his community reinforced relentlessly.
Monteagudo explains that homosexuality was treated as a disease in Little Havana. He says that in spite of popular belief, his neighborhood did accommodate some "obviously gay men." For the most part, though, gay men would adhere to only certain professions in fields like hairdressing, studio photography and show business. Monteagudo continues:
Cuban parents would go to any length to save their sons from a fate they believed was worse that death. Many a Cuban boy of uncertain sexuality was subjected to hormone shots, a practice that led to a crop of hirsute, deep-voiced gay men who walk the streets of Miami today. My parents chose a less drastic (though equally popular) measure. Every afternoon after school I would dutifully walk to the local YMCA-where, naturally, Spanish was spoken-and take judo classes, as if my erotic interest in my own gender could be extinguished through physical contact with other males. When that didn't seem to work, my parents sent me to a psychiatrist, an equally futile gesture but one popular with many concerned Cuban parents at that time. (781)
In Cuban parents' pursuit to prevent homosexuality, there was no method too cruel, Monteagudo explains. They feared homosexuality more than death! Homosexuality was treated as if it was a disease that could be cured with drugs. Some Cuban parents injected their boys with "hormones." Today it sounds ludicrous, but in the sixties, in Little Havana, it was common practice. Although Monteagudo's parents employed less dramatic methods to halt the advancement of their son's homosexuality, they made use of both physical and mental tactics to discourage their son from discovering his true identity. "Judo" was used, as if his desire could be beaten out of him. And when Judo classes failed to produce the desired result, Monteagudo was sent to a psychiatrist, which was an equally popular remedy practiced by many concerned parents. Using psychology, however, to prevent homosexuality proved to have serious consequences. As Monteagudo explains later in his essay, there were young men who became so confused by what their community preached and the way they felt inside, that they lost all sense of reality.
The psychological pressure to fit in in Little Havana hindered many gays in their pursuit of true happiness. Monteagudo explains that the belief among many Cubans was that gay men wanted to be women. This common belief caused some Cuban gay men to become female impersonators. But for others, this belief had more serious effects. Monteagudo writes:
[Some gay Cubans] went the whole route, becoming genital females through hormones and surgery. Many of these were unhappy and confused gay kids who, growing up in an atmosphere of self-hatred, saw a sex change as the only alternative to suicide. They should not be confused with the true transsexuals, people who knew what they wanted and usually got it. (783)
The "confusion, unhappiness" and "self-hatred" some gay men felt in Little Havana lead them to a sex change operation, he explains. In other words, it was not the individual's personal belief that he was a woman trapped in a man's body that caused this dramatic decision. But instead, it was the psychological pressure of "[growing] up in an atmosphere of self-hatred," an "atmosphere" that was created by the community. "What alternative do I have"? some gay men would ask themselves. "Suicide"? Suicide actually entered their minds. This clearly shows Little Havana's tremendous power to influence. Furthermore, it shows that if one's sexual orientation was anything but heterosexual, it would be very difficult to stay loyal to one's true identity in Little Havana.
Monteagudo explains that he could not be happy while living under false pretences. Although gay life in Little Havana did offer some excitement, he was not content. It was a superficial scene, he says. And then he explains:
I was never happy with the excessive effeminacy, the heavy drug and alcohol use, the backstabbing and catfighting (I was once robed by a so-called friend), the self-hatred, and the need to pretend. I wanted to break with my surroundings, to finish college and find a place of my own. I also wanted to find a permanent lover and get involved in gay activism, two commodities that were Scarce on Calle Ocho. By 1978, a year after Little Havana joined the rest of Dade County in overturning a gay rights ordinance, I accomplished all of these goals and moved out of Little Havana, not because of the vote but to be with my lover, I moved to Broward County and a chapter in my life came to an end. (784)
"The need to pretend" prevented him from living a "happy" and meaningful life in Little Havana. "Drugs" and "alcohol" didn't spawn any sincere relationships. And he was tired of the negative impact his community had on his happiness. He was ready to fight for gay rights to improve his situation as a gay man. Monteagudo explains that although he did succeed in accomplishing many of his goals in Little Havana, the last step in his pursuit of gay pride and a happy existence could only be realized in a different county. "[He] moved out of Little Havana, ...to be with his lover, ... and a chapter in my life came to an end." He is saying that with one "chapter" in his life coming to an "end," another one began. In this new chapter he would be "happy"; he would finally be able to stay loyal to his true identity.
In describing Little Havana, Monteagudo clearly shows that he was at odds with his community. As he slowly began to explore his sexuality, he realized that there was no room for his kind in Little Havana. His community was a place where the need to pretend was expected if one's true identity involved homosexuality. And since he had no intention to compromise his sexuality for his community's acceptance, he did not belong. To Monteagudo, what mattered the most was the need to stay loyal to his true self. He no longer wanted to pretend.
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